How to Get Over a Breakup:12 Tips for Healing a Broken Heart
There is no doubt about it – ending a relationship hurts. They don’t call it a broken heart for nothing. But, while it feels like you can never be happy again, you can and will get through this. Here are 11 tips to help you heal your broken heart and to help you get your groove back.
1. DO NOT Contact Them
Whatever you do, do not contact them. Yes, you said you would still be friends, but right now, you need different friends. Talking to your ex will only intensify and prolong your agony. The point is to get over them – and to get over them as quickly as possible. Cut them out, cold turkey. If they keep trying to get in touch with you, don’t take the bait by responding. If you have kids or other commitments that require you to meet with them, minimize the contact and bring along a friend or family member. Always be polite and courteous, but don’t talk to them about anything but the business at hand. Spending time with them will only drag out your pain.
2. Write them a Letter
Write them a letter, but, whatever you do, DO NOT SEND IT. Sometimes, just the act of writing the letter will help you straighten out your thoughts. It can help you realize that the relationship was never going to work in the long run. Go ahead, tell them what a jerk they are and how much they hurt you. Tell them how annoying it was when they spoke during your favorite TV show and how much you hated their friends. Make it clear to yourself why it was a good idea for you to break up. Again, NEVER let them see this letter. This is just for you.
3. Join a Meetup or Other Social Group
Right now, it is good to distract yourself from your misery. If you don’t have a meetup.com account, make one and browse groups that might interest you. While your breakup is fresh, avoid the ones targeted at singles. Start going to classes at your local gym or community center. Really try and force yourself to stay busy and distracted. It is important to meet new people and have new experiences away from your ex. It will be hard to drag yourself to these new events, but it will speed your healing. Stick with it, and you will find yourself having fun despite yourself!
4. Allow Yourself Time to Grieve
Yes, you should really try to keep yourself busy, but not so busy you don’t have time to acknowledge your grief. It is therapeutic to allow yourself some scheduled time every day to cry, obsess, look at old photos, punch your pillow, watch sad movies, and other activities that allow you to express your pain. Set aside a certain amount of time – say 15 minutes to an hour each day – then, when the time is up, you need to stop immediately. It is helpful to schedule this time before something else that is scheduled in your day, such as a favorite TV program or a class you go to. That way, you won’t be tempted to wallow for more than your allotted time. Eventually, you will be too busy and won’t need this time. That is when you know you are truly on the mend.
5. Unfriend them from All Social Media Sites
Delete them from your contact list from every single social media site. You don’t need reminders of them showing up in your feeds. You don’t need updates flooding your inbox. The less they are a part of your life, the better. It is also helpful to delete them from your phone. Write their number down somewhere, but force yourself to manually enter their number if you absolutely need to contact to them. This will not only prevent you from seeing their name in your contact list , it will also help remove the temptation to talk to them in moments of weakness.
6. Get a Makeover
When you look good, you feel good! Go ahead and do a little self-improvement. Now is a good time to try a new hair color or hairstyle. Take a fashion conscious friend with you shopping for some new clothes. Put together a few outfits that make you feel confident. Try a new weight loss or fitness plan. If you can afford it, hire a consultant to help you with your appearance. We can all use tips to help us look our best.
7. Realize You can be Happy Alone
Plan an event or activity and go do it all by yourself. Hike, attend a concert, go to a sporting event, or whatever floats your boat. Realize that you could have taken someone with you, but you CHOSE to go alone. Doing things alone is empowering. It helps you realize that, hey, you are an okay person, and you can enjoy the company of just yourself and still have a good time. Once you realize you are just fine alone, the other person will have less power over you and your emotions.
8. Add Some Comedy to Your Life
Watch a funny movie or go see a stand-up comedian. Laughter really does help you heal a broken heart.
Plan a little trip out of town. If you have friends or family in another city, now is a great time to go visit. It gives you a little break from your life and helps you reconnect with people you care about. Or, take a friend and hit the beach, go for a camping trip for the weekend, sign up for a retreat…whatever you like. The point is to take a break from your day to day routine.
10. Pack Up Things that Remind You of Them
Go through your house, car, and workplace and pack all of the mementos from your relationship into a box. This means photos, gifts, cards, and whatever you don’t need that reminds you of them. Once you have them in the box, seal it really well with tape, label it and store it away. You can go through it later and decide what to keep or toss. The point now is just to get it out of your sight.
11. Set a Goal
Finally, set a goal for yourself and work towards it. Achieving your goal will help boost your self-esteem and set you on the road to healing.
12. Rearrange your Furniture
You don’t want to look around your place and be constantly thinking about them and the things you did there. By moving your furniture around, you give the place a new feel and prepare it for new memories. Buy some new decorations or move yours around. Move your bed to a different wall and buy some new bedding. Turn your table a different direction. Maybe add a large new throw rug. Do whatever you can to give the place a new feel.
Remember, it can take a year or two to completely get over someone you loved deeply. There is no speedy answer to get through this phase in your life, but if you follow these tips, you will get through your breakup more quickly and painlessly than you think.