Dating Advice for Getting a Second Date
Tim picked me up in a shiny, black, freshly washed, Toyota 4Runner. He was wearing dark jeans, a sweater, and a tailored jacket. Perfect, I thought – masculine, yet conservative. He threw me a warm smile as he opened my car door for me. So started, what to my memory, was a magical evening. We drank wine, ate a delicious meal, walked around the city, shared our hopes and dreams. He offered me his coat when it got chilly. He walked me to my front door and kissed me lightly. Perfect.
“I’ll call you,” he said. And after a date like that, why wouldn’t he?
Tim never did call. I saw him recently at a friend’s wedding with a voluptuous blonde. I’m happily involved with the true man of my dreams, so it all worked out for the best in the long run. But, boy, did I spend some hours waiting for the call that never came – wondering where I went wrong.
We have all been there. A date seems to have gone perfectly well, but for some reason, there is never a second date. While you will probably never know the real reason, we surveyed 300 men and asked them why they didn’t pursue a second date with a woman. Here are the top reasons men have given for why they didn’t call.
Survey Results: Why He Didn’t Pursue a Second Date
You Were on Your Smartphone
When on a first date, you should make your date the primary focus of your attention. Put the phone away and save the texting for later.
He Just Wanted to Get Laid
When he asked you out, he wasn’t looking for a relationship; he just wanted a quick fling. If the date didn’t lead to that, then he is moving on to an easier target. If it did, then his mission was accomplished, and he has gotten all that he wanted from you.
Men are visual and find it sexy when a woman puts effort into her appearance. He might like the glamorous look with a bit of cleavage and you are more the wholesome, fresh scrubbed type. He might like short, clear nails, and you have mini Monet paintings on your nails. You shouldn’t change who you are for him, just realize that what might seem beautiful to you, and to many men, might not be what this particular man goes for.
That said, you should still try and look your best on a first date.
You Drank too Much
While a drink or two can help with nerves on a first date, any more than that will just make you look sloppy. A first date is normally not a good time to show your wild side.
He Was too Nervous to Call
There is a lot of pressure on men in the dating scene. Sometimes, a guy does feel scared and overwhelmed after a first date. Yes, things did go well, but perhaps he is shy or introverted. He really WANTS to call you, but can’t bring himself to do it. It is okay to call a guy and ask him on a second date. You don’t have to always wait for him. If he blows you off, nothing lost anyway, and who knows, that shy guy might be just the right one for you.
You Aren’t What He is Looking For
You might be girlfriend material, but he just wants to party. Or, he might be looking for a wife and future mother of his children, and you seem to be in the party stage of your life. There is nothing in particular wrong with you, and you may not have committed a faux pas on your date. You just aren’t what he was in the market for.
He Met Someone Else
Some men approach dating as a numbers game – fitting in as many dates as possible in a week, or even in a day. While things may have gone well on your date with him, they went even better on his next date.
He Felt Pressured
Some men explained that their date seemed too eager and was “too into it.” As 26 year-old Jeff G. explains it, “She made it feel intense, like her entire future depended on us getting together.” This type of enthusiasm can scare a guy away. Keep it lighthearted and fun. Be open and energetic but save the deeper conversation for a second or third date.
You were Boring
As Parker J. says, “If a woman mentions reality TV as her biggest hobby, you know you are gonna have a bad time.” While we all love a bit of television drama, try to open your life up to new hobbies and current events. No one wants to hear your retelling of last night’s episode of “The Bachelor.” If they wanted to know what happened, they would have actually watched the professionally produced version. So, ask yourself, are you boring? If so, you really should try to enrich your life. This is not just to find a date, but for your own personal enjoyment.
You Were Rude
Rudeness to wait staff is often listed as a man’s number one turn off. Acting spoiled and demanding is a sure fire way to ensure there will be no second date.
You Were too Sexual
A little bit of flirty banter and innuendo is hot, but it can be a turn off when it seems that is all the other person is about.
You Talked too Much
Several men mentioned that when a woman talks for a long period of time without stopping, they tend to zone out and quit listening. Their mind wanders to what you look like naked rather than what you are actually saying. Remember, a conversation involves two people so make sure you aren’t talking for too long without engaging him.
You Spoke about Past Relationships too Much
This experience is about you and your new date. There is nothing that this new person needs to know about your ex, other than it is over. Don’t allow your bitterness to seep through.
You Seemed Needy or Anxious at the End of the Date
Jake S, 32, recounted a date he had recently. He said it went really well, but then, at the end, “she seemed really anxious and clingy, wanting me to reassure her that we would talk again and that I’d had a good time. It had been going well, but her neediness made me think twice.” The lesson here is to end it casually and nonchalantly.
He Was too Busy
He was too busy or he forgot. He really did like you, and enjoyed your date, but got busy with work or other obligations and hadn’t gotten around to calling you. By the time he realized he should have called, too much time had passed. So, while he really was too busy, do you really want a guy who puts you that far down on his priority list?
You Didn’t Offer to Pay
While most men don’t mind paying for the first date, especially if he was the one who asked you out, you should still offer to pay. Assuming he is going to pay can make him think you are a gold digger or that you are just after a free meal. Also, some men still have the expectation of sex at the end of the evening if they pay. Archaic, but true. So, at least offer to pay half.
He Just Wasn’t Feeling It
Not feeling chemistry was the most common reason cited in our survey. Chemistry has to go two ways, and sometimes, he just isn’t feeling it.
Something Didn’t Sit Right
Many of these responses sounded like they came out of a Seinfeld episode. Basically, there is some trait he didn’t notice when he asked you out that now bothers him. It could be something as simple as the way you hold your fork or that your eyebrows are too thin. You are who you are and you can’t help these traits, and he can’t help that they bother him. It just means you are not a match, and that very quality that bothered this man will be what attracts another man to you
While the vast majority of these were nothing you could, or should, change, there are some, like rudeness, that you can improve on. Look inside yourself and see if there are some behaviors you can improve on and accept the ones you can’t change. Use these answers to gain some insight into why there wasn’t a second date and realize that it isn’t always your fault. It is a waste of time to pursue someone that isn’t interested in you. Save your efforts for someone will like you for you.
In the meantime, put down your phone, step away from your email, and get out there and enjoy life. The best place to meet someone is doing what you love to do.